Never Trust Girls with Cow Tails
by Abarero
Summary: Denmark's forgetfulness causes trouble when he can no longer see Norway's magical friends and accidentally ends up offending them. But what you can't see can't hurt you...right? Denmark/Norway


**Notes:** Writtenas part of **nordic5_xmas** months ago but I forgot to post it up here. They asked for _Norway's trolls and magical creatures are playing tricks on Denmark, but Denmark is unable to see them._

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_**Never Trust Girls with Cow Tails (and other lessons Denmark has learned)**_

* * *

It had been _years_ upon _years_ since Denmark had last been out to Norway's farm. Most of the other nations probably didn't even know the other nation had kept one, out in the hills of his country, but Denmark had known. When prodded about why he still sometimes spent time out amongst the quiet hills and far-far away from the city, Norway informed Denmark he was visiting friends.

But on visiting himself, Denmark wondered what friends Norway could possibly be talking about. It was a small, rustic farmhouse, and the nearest town was a long drive away. The location was gorgeous, Denmark would give it that, situated with a view of the Jotunheimen Mountains and surrounded by beautiful valleys, rivers and lakes. But as for any 'friends' in the area, Denmark couldn't see a soul.

"Norway, I'm here!" He proudly exclaimed as he kicked the door open. Looking around, he didn't see anyone.

Denmark tossed aside his bag onto the small couch with a frown. Scratching his head, he shut the front door, never noticing the small note tacked there as the door slammed closed, or how the note fluttered onto the ground.

In Norway's handwriting it read: _Gone to get firewood. Be right back. Please. Don't do __anything__ stupid. You are being watched._

"Norway! Where are you?" Denmark called, stomping through the house with his muddy shoes. Right as he turned into the kitchen, a small little man with a red cap peered around the wall.

The nisse, a household spirit, had been told by Norway that the home was having a visitor, but he also knew that master Norway would not like mud tracked all over his clean floors! The nisse himself, along with the smaller of Norway's trolls, had aided the nation in cleaning the dusty farmhouse from top to bottom for Denmark's visit. Crossing his arms, the nisse frowned and scurried into the kitchen after Denmark.

"How dare you dirty Master Norway's home!" He yelled.

But Denmark heard nothing more than a strange rumbling noise coming from under the table. "Norge? Is that you? Are you playing hide and seek with me?"

He bent down to take a look, and ended up face to face with the nisse. Except, so far removed from the spirits and supernatural creatures was he back in Copenhagen, that Denmark could not see them any more. It wasn't that he didn't believe, it was that he had forgotten how to.

"Norway?" He queried to the underside of the table.

The nisse tossed up his little hands in the air and stormed around to where Denmark's rear end was protruding out. As Denmark made to crawl further under the table (just in case Norway was really good at hiding), a swift kick impacted with his rump.

"Owww!" Denmark exclaimed, bolting upright and smashing his head into the underside of the table. "Ouch!"

The nisse snickered, the tassel hanging from his red cap swinging back and forth as he did so.

But no matter how hard Denmark tried to see what had kicked him, he could still see nothing. "Are you teasing me, Norway?" He called out to the seemingly empty house.

No one answered.

Deciding that clearly, Norway was going to ambush him at any moment with a surprise (or, even better, that perhaps Norway was waiting in the bedroom for him) Denmark looked down at his muddy pants and muddy shoes.

"Guess I'd better take a bath first, huh?" He mumbled to himself.

The nisse nodded in the affirmative. "Yes you slob! Master Norway keeps a clean house, thank you very much!"

Denmark started at the rumbling noise again, but shrugged it off. "Norway!" He bellowed loud and clear, so if he was waiting in the bedroom he'd hear it. "I'm going to take a bath first, then we can totally get it on!"

And smiling to himself at the thought of how Norway probably got all flustered at that implication, Denmark trudged off to the bathroom.

* * *

Denmark had forgotten how old fashioned the bathtub at Norway's farm was. After spending forever heating up pail after pail of water to fill the tub, Denmark finally had enough water. With one extra pail of hot water left, he frowned.

"I guess I'd better toss this outside…" He thought to himself. As Denmark left the bathroom to head outside with the steaming pail, the nisse spotted him again.

"Please tell me he isn't…" He saw Denmark throw open the back door and rushed to stop him. "Wait! Don't! The tussers are out there!"

He tugged as best he could on Denmark's pants, but he couldn't hold the powerful nation back. Denmark blinked as his leg seemed to get caught on nothing, but he shrugged it off and went onward.

With a heave, Denmark splattered the warm water all over the ground. "There ya go plants!" He said with a smile.

Little did he know, he'd just poured boiling water right onto the tussers' homes.

The tussers were an underground people, looking much like moss and twigs to anyone who couldn't see them properly. As the water began to seep into the dirt and through their ceilings, their angry titters echoed across the yard.

Denmark halted on his way back inside, swearing he heard _something_.

"Norway?" He tried once more, but this time more skeptically. It was as if he _knew_ what it was he was hearing, he'd certainly heard it before, but it was so long ago he'd forgotten the sound.

Scratching his head and scrunching up his face in thought, Denmark racked his mind for what the sound was.

The sound that was getting increasingly louder as all the tussers evacuated their homes and came raging and tittering up to the surface.

Deciding it was nothing more than the wind passing through the valley, Denmark turned to walk back inside. The nisse was waiting for him and promptly kicked him in the shin.

"Ouch!" He held up his left leg and rubbed the sore spot there. "What did I run into?"

Could he see it, he would have seen a very angry nisse standing there with a scowl and crossed arms. But he noticed neither the little man nor the flock of angry tussers coming up behind him.

Stepping over the nisse, Denmark swung the door closed; pushing the nisse outside and slamming it in the tussers' faces. He needed to get back to his bath before it got cold!

The leader of the tussers and the nisse exchanged a dark look, both of them glaring up at the closed door.

"Who is that buffoon?" The elder tusser demanded.

"Norway's rude guest. He has tracked mud all over Master Norway's home!"

"And he scalded my family members! If only he'd given us due warning, as is expected when one tosses out water of that temperature."

The two started griping and complaining about how utterly unaware Denmark seemed to be of even their presence.

"You would think a friend of Master Norway's would be more respectful of us!"

The nisse frowned. "If what that guest said is true, he is more than a friend of Master Norway."

The tussers gasped. "Someone who has lain with Master Norway and yet still does not possess the sight?"

"It seems to be so. He looked me right in the face and saw nothing. He has lost his sight."

A twitter of a laugh echoed over their discussion. "Perhaps, my friends, I can _lure_ it back out of him."

The tussers and the nisse all glanced up at the voice. Above them stood a dairymaid, so beautiful it seemed as if nothing about her could be more ideal. A perfect smile beset with rosy cheeks, golden blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and slender bare legs peering out from under her skirt.

The nisse held up his hand to her. "Greetings, Miss Huldra."

She shook it with her forefingers, and tittered a little bell-like laugh. "Please call me Ingrid, dear nisse. I have come from the near forest upon hearing my relatives crying out."

With a turn, Ingrid knelt and gently patted the heads of the tussers gathered around. "There, there, my friends. Ingrid shall take care of that nasty man for you."

As she stood, her skirt poked up, just a bit, as a cow's tail protruded out. "Ah, Miss Ingrid- your..."

"Oh my." She blushed prettily. "So sorry about that. This old tail of mine, I just don't know what to do with it some days."

* * *

Denmark had been lounging languidly in the bath when he heard a sharp knock at the front door. He blinked, running a hand up through his damp hair.

"Huh. Guess Norge was out."

More urgent knocking sounded, and Denmark hastily wrapped a towel around his middle and padded down the hallway. "I'm coming, hang on a sec!"

He never noticed the nisse watching him with a smug smirk on his lips, fully knowing that this rude houseguest was about to meet his match.

"Norway! I'm so glad you're…" Denmark's greeting died on his lips as he saw who was standing in the doorway.

The pretty dairymaid was blinking up at him with tears in her eyes and a pout on her lips. "Oh Mister, I'm so sorry to disturb. But my cow ran right off the path and into that forest over there and I just cannot get him out by myself. Would a big, strong, man such as yourself, please come help me?"

At her last plea, she reached out and clutched his bicep; fluttering long eyelashes up at him and catching his gaze with her own. Denmark blinked once, twice, before a dopey grin spread itself on his face. Her trance had taken control.

Never thinking once about the fact he was in nothing more than a towel, he held out an arm to her. "Sure I'll help. Did you know you're really distractingly pretty?"

She giggled and nuzzled into his arm. "Oh why thank you, mister. You can call me Ingrid."

"Ingrid," he murmured dazedly. "Wow, that's almost as pretty as you are!"

Smiling sweetly, she led him down the path to the forest, her cow's tail swishing behind her without Denmark noticing at all.

* * *

Norway was a bit concerned when he noticed his note haphazardly on the ground upon returning back to the farmhouse. Turning with a frown to his troll, Gøran, he sighed.

"Do you see now why I refuse to bet with you as to if Denmark has caused trouble or not?"

Gøran chuckled, low and rumbling, like thunder.

"Laugh all you want. If I didn't invite him, he would have driven me insane nagging me to come." Quashing that tiny little voice in the back of his mind that told Norway he _wanted_ to spend time out here with Denmark, the nation pushed open the door.

There stood the nisse, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Hallo, Nils. Please tell me the damage isn't too bad."

Nils, catching the slight tinge of worry in his master's gaze that most would miss, gave Norway a concerned smile. "I'm quite sorry to inform you, master Norway, but Ingrid visited and…"

A flicker of panic ran over Norway's face as his armful of firewood clattered to the ground. "Ingrid. The huldra?"

Nils nodded. "Yessir. Your guest poured hot water on the tussers and she showed up and…"

"Gøran, leave the logs here. We need to go. Quickly." Norway turned around with a flourish and only halted his brisk steps when he saw Nils scurry in front of him.

"Sir, it troubles me to tell you this, but I did a disservice to your guest as well. I feel I can only repay you by coming with you to assist him."

Norway stooped down and scooped the little man up into his arms, the nisse settling there quite nicely. "He tracked mud on the floor, didn't he?"

Nils nodded. "You know how I get about mud, Master Norway."

"All right. You can help us. Gøran?" Norway called out. The large, lumbering troll bent down. His huge eyes focused on the nation as he grunted.

"What can I do for ya?" Gøran asked, his low voice rattling the window panes on the farmhouse.

Norway held up Nils and gently handed him over to the troll, the small nisse looking like a speck of dirt on the troll's large green hand. "Go ahead with Nils and see if you can get Ingrid to back off. I'm going to call for Øyvind and come in around the backside of the forest."

He whistled sharply then, towards the river, and a small little island in the water with red lights started to move. Slowly, the island crept towards the shore until it came to the bank. Then, with a flash of blinding light, the river sprite emerged as a white horse. Norway turned to the nøkk and patted its head. "Thank you, Øyvind. We'll need to ride as fast as you can. But it's near the course of your river, so I'm certain you will be swift."

The nøkk whinnied at that and nuzzled into Norway's hand. Then the nøkk knelt down, inviting Norway to mount him.

Once on the horse's back, Norway called over to the others. "Let's go! We must get Denmark back. He's…" Norway felt all of his friends watching him, even the flock of tussers that had come around the house from the backyard, now standing at attention.

Norway hesitated only a moment before he steeled his gaze, his eyes looking forward to the forest. "Denmark's important to me, so don't let that huldra harm him!"

* * *

Denmark wasn't sure how he'd gotten there. The last thing he'd remembered, he'd been excited. Norway…Norway had come back to the farmhouse. Then, it all got really fuzzy.

Now he was in what seemed to be a bed made of leaves and branches.

Pressing a hand to his head, Denmark sighed. "Aww man, how much did I drink to cause this?"

But on feeling no throbbing headache, just a vague disorienting fuzz when he tried to think too hard- but that Denmark thought was kind of normal- he relaxed.

"If I wasn't drinking how did I…whoa, I'm naked! Hello naked me!" Denmark exclaimed on realizing he'd been stripped bare of his single towel.

He shot a glance around the trees then, his old fighting senses tingling. There was something out there and it was looking at him with ill-intent, he could _feel_ it.

Stumbling to his feet, Denmark considered covering himself but thought better of it. Whatever he could sense out there he could take-on, clothed or not.

"Come on, I know you're watching me!"

He was not met with any menacing growl nor any arrow or bullet. Instead, he heard a sweet bell-like tinkle. Like laughter, almost.

He gripped his head. It had started to throb horribly. Maybe he was drunk after all.

"Hello, sweetheart," the voice called. "I've come back for you."

There it was again, the laughter. A little titter that almost _chimed_.

Suddenly, Denmark remembered something. A story Ice had told him recently about the workers on his roads. That they'd had to divert roads because of a…a…

"Hallo, handsome," the voice was right beside him now, a warm female body pressing against his side. "I'm glad to see you're feeling all right now. It's almost time."

Denmark squinted at the girl. She was nude, but he felt like he kept seeing _something_ swishing behind her. It was like it was there- but he couldn't quite see it.

Gripping his pounding head once more, Denmark tried to focus. _Iceland. The roads. The workers had to put the roads around those boulders. But what were they for?_

Before he could think any further, the haze was back and the woman was pressing him down onto the ground.

_Think Denmark, think! What were those things called?_

"Stop right there, huldra!" A low rumbling voice rang out through the clearing as trees were bent down under large footsteps.

Denmark bolted upright, knocking the girl aside. "That's it! It's a huldra!" He looked over to the girl then. "Whoa, you really do have a cow's tail dontcha?"

Her beautiful face flickered, shifting to an ugly one instead. "You! You will pay for what you've done!"

"Ingrid, don't lay a hand on him!"

This voice, Denmark knew, and he could even see the speaker behind it. "Norway! You came to save me!"

"From your own stupidity, no doubt," Norway shot back as his horse cantered into the clearing.

His lips were in a tight line as he noticed Ingrid and Denmark's lack of attire.

"Denmark, please tell me you didn't…"

Rubbing his head, Denmark looked up at him with a grin. "And on a white horse too! Are you my prince charming, Norway?"

"You do realize you aren't wearing anything, right?"

Denmark blinked. "Oh yeah. I did a minute ago. Weird, huh?"

Norway turned his ire towards the huldra, who had shifted back into her beautiful persona. "Ingrid, I need to know. Did you sleep with him?"

She giggled. "He's quite the looker, isn't he Norway?"

The nation opened and closed his mouth a few times, his cheeks pinking just a bit. Finally, he replied. "He's currently seeing someone who would probably not appreciate riding all the way here on a nøkk just to find him naked with a huldra."

A loud thump sounded behind her and Ingrid turned to look all the way up to where Gøren was hovering above her. "Answer Master Norway's question, huldra."

Ingrid scoffed, flippantly tossing her hair over her shoulder and sauntering off to where her dress laid. "No Norway, I didn't sleep with your man. He kept mumbling your name every time I tried to lay a hand on him while he slept under my spell. A bit of a turn-off, really."

Now Norway _knew_ he was blushing and he cleared his throat. "Thank you, Ingrid. I appreciate you not outright killing him for being such an idiot. He's just…forgotten things. I hope all of you," he turned to the troll, the nisse, and the group of tussers, "can forgive him that."

"What did I forget Norway?" Denmark asked with a bewildered expression. "Is it our anniversary or something?"

Norway rubbed his temples. Well, if it would make his stay here calmer. He dismounted the nøkk then, unbuttoning his collared shirt and handing it over to Denmark. "Put this around yourself, will you?"

"Thanks Norway! I was getting a bit cold down there."

"Denmark…"

"Huh?"

Norway caught his gaze, placing warm hands on his chilled shoulders. He took a deep breath and began to recite a verse in a low and quiet tone.

_"Remember the fields in which we played, where tussers built their home.  
Remember the forests in which we stayed, where the huldra always roam.  
The trolls beyond the mountains and the nøkk in rivers play,  
And safe on farms we have the nisse to give our horses hay._

_Be true and kind to one and all, for the Vættir are our friends.  
And if you ever do upset them, be sure to make amends."_

Denmark blinked, then with a start, he jumped back a step. The forest was full of creatures, creatures that he'd forgotten over time. The tussers who he'd remembered hearing their angry titters before. The huldra standing now, dressed again as a dairymaid, but not quite as beautiful now that he could see through her spell.

Towering above him with a protective gleam in his eye was the troll Denmark knew Norway regarded as a dearest friend. Gøren was his name, Denmark recalled. Because he'd teased Norway about it once. The nøkk, of course, was the white steed Norway had arrived on. He could see the magic around what before seemed nothing more than simple horse.

And there, on the ground beside him, was the nisse. Denmark tied off Norway's shirt around his hips and bent down to the little man.

"I'm sorry, I got mud all over your clean house didn't I?"

Nils nodded, but stuck out a chubby hand. "I respect you on behalf of Master Norway. Please accept my acceptance of your apology."

Denmark grinned and gave his hand a shake with his fingertips. "Did you hear that Norge? Your little house dude likes me!"

Norway rolled his eyes, then turned to the others. "Øyvind, you can return to your home now. I thank you for your help and will come play together with you on the violin later."

The nøkk shifted, turning into a young man and making a bow. "Thank you, Master Norway," he spoke. "I look forward to that."

Turning to the troll, Norway smiled every so slightly. "Gøren, I hate to ask so much of you, but can you take the rest of us home?"

The troll grinned, his toothy tusks poking out as he did so. "Of course."

Slowly, Gøren knelt down and held out one of his large slabs of a hand. The group of tussers scurried onto it. Denmark looked after them and yelled out "Hey little guys! I'm sorry about the water! I remember now I'm supposed to warn you if I wanna do that!"

The elder tusser nodded his head. "All is forgiven, Master Denmark. Please just be sure to remember next time."

"Okay!"

The troll held out his other hand then, which Nils scampered up onto. Norway reached out with a sigh and took Denmark's hand, dragging the other nation behind him as he clambered up onto Gøren's palm.

"Sit down or you'll fall and crack your head open. Not that you can probably damage it any further."

Denmark grinned and wrapped his arm around Norway's now-bare shoulders. "Thanks for worrying about me, Norway!"

Norway sighed, but leaned a bit closer. Not that he wanted to nuzzle into Denmark's side or anything. It's just that he was cold, because he had to give the imbecile his shirt to make him decent.

As Gøren started his walk back to the farmhouse, Denmark reached down and took Norway's hand. "Thanks Norway for coming to get me. And well, for helping me remember. I forget stuff a lot."

"You shouldn't forget such important things."

"I'll try not to in the future, I'll…whoa, look at the view!" He cut himself off, pointing out with his free hand at the beautiful landscape.

Norway glanced up at Gøren who was walking at an even pace as to not disturb any of the nations or creatures he carried in his outstretched palms.

He leaned his head over on Denmark's shoulder and enjoyed the sight. "It is nice, isn't it?"

* * *

When they finally arrived back at the farmhouse, Denmark got dressed again and insisted on helping Nils clean the floor. This resulted in a bigger mess than before and Nils shooing Denmark out of the kitchen with a scowl and a broom.

Denmark sighed and ran a hand back through his spiky hair.

He padded over to where Norway was warming up by the fireplace. Outside the window, Denmark could see Gøren relaxing and he gave the big guy a wave.

Quietly, as to not to disturb him, Denmark settled down next to Norway.

"Hey Norway?"

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking I might like to come visit your friends more often."

Norway blinked, eyes wide, as he turned to look at Denmark. "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah! It's fun riding in that big green's hands above the trees! Think of how much fun you can have with him in the summer. He'd make a great waterslide in the lake. That is, if the nøkk there doesn't mind..."

Norway shook his head, but a small smile tugged at his lips. Tired and really just wanting some quiet, he resolved to acquire that by the quickest means possible.

Leaning over, he pecked a quick kiss to Denmark's still-rambling mouth; which of course, shut him up instantly. "I think I'm going to take a nap here by the fireside, do you mind?"

Denmark grinned, then he proceeded to fluff the couch pillows and scoot over. He patted his lap. "Come on, you deserve it after your rescue!"

With a sigh, and a blush he tried to will down, Norway obliged, settling his head down on Denmark's lap and curling up on the couch.

Nils scurried into the room then and tossed a quilt up and over the nation. "Have a good rest, Master Norway."

"Thank you, Nils."

Denmark frowned, before pressing a kiss to Norway's lips and mumbling. "Have a good nap, Norge."

He didn't get the reply Nils did. No thank you, or any sort of spoken reply. Instead, Norway just nuzzled a bit onto Denmark's lap and let a content smile ease onto his lips.

And Denmark smiled too. Because hey, a smiling Norway was _way_ better than any thank you some short dude just got.

* * *

Notes:  
[1] Jotunheimen (English: The Home of the Giants) is a mountainous area in Southern Norway and is part of the long Scandinavian Mountain range. The 29 highest mountains in Norway are all in Jotunheimen.  
[2] A Nisse is a household spirit, usually depicted as a short man (under four feet tall) wearing a red cap with a tassel.  
[3] Tussers are small beings living under the ground. They are old, ugly and look as a mixture of bones, moss and twigs. They are not easily seen, but you can hear them titter maliciously!  
[4] The cautious peasant in old Scandinavia should always warn the Vættir (mythical beings and nature spirits) before spilling hot water on the ground, or else grave retribution, such as disease, accidents or killed livestock, was to be expected.  
[5] The Huldra is a stunningly beautiful, sometimes naked woman with long hair; though from behind she has an animal's tail. In Norway, she has a cow's tail and is described as a typical dairymaid, wearing the clothes of a regular farm girl, although somewhat more dazzling or prettier than most girls.  
[6] Trolls are large, brutish and direct descendants from the Norse _jötnar_. They are often described as ugly or having beastly features like tusks. As a general rule, what would be called a "troll" in Norway would in Denmark and Sweden be a "giant."  
[7] A nøkk is a water sprite found in rivers and lakes. It can turn up as a handsome young man playing the violin, as a white horse, or a ghastly head that can look like a small island with red lights.  
[8] In modern-day Iceland, stories still abound of the huldra. It is said that work crews building new roads will sometimes divert the road around particular boulders which are known to be the homes of the huldra.  
[9] In some traditions, the huldra lures men into the forest to have sexual intercourse with her, rewarding those who satisfy her and often killing those who do not.


End file.
